It Says I Love You (:

Today will be a random post (:

We've almost break up for four times and luckily, thank God, we still got back together at last. To be honest, those times didn't feel great at all. Those were the times when you can actually feel Heart ache. You can feel it in your chest, it ache so much that you had to cry, no matter how much you control, no matter how strong you are.

First time would be because of Jealously. I guess i brought this upon myself. This is during the first month, when i wanted to go underground relationship with babe. As much as she said she didn't mind, i should be smart and be able to guess that she's lying. Besides that, i still go out with girls frequently and all. I didn't know my border and i'm truly sorry, babe ): I guessed i've crossed the line that made you make the decision to break up with me.

But, from this almost-break-up, i've learned to know my borders and respect. We all have our limit, our borders that we cannot cross. You'll only have troubles if you cross the line. Respect, people want to be acknowledge, especially your loved one. Just imagine that your parents' don't acknowledge you as their children, how would that feel ? Now i understand the pain. I'm sorry, babe. Through this also, trust between us grew (:

Second time would be Hurt. This is would be the fault of neither of us. It's just a normal reflex and conscience. You chose to leave me because of being afraid that you'l hurt me, having the thoughts of you not deserving what you have right now. The truth is, it is i that don't deserve what you had to provide cause i'm an asshole, i'm a jerk.

But, let me make things clear. As i said in past previous post, you deserve everything i have to give. Actually, you deserve more than i can ever give (: You changed me to a better person. From an alcoholic to moderation in drinking and from a smoker to a non-smoker. There's more but i guess these are the two main things that is hard to change in a guy, but God bless that you managed to change me (: Yes, hurt. You didn't hurt me once or twice but that's perfectly normal in a relationship. But you know how to overcome it ?  Solve the problem between us and go through it together. That's what i believe and i guess till now, it works. Again, i'm sorry for all the times i've hurt you and situations i put you through ):

Third reason is kind of ridiculous, no offence, babe. But then again, maybe i really did go over the line with teasing. She asked me not to talk about it. Long story short, i'm sorry babe ):

During this period, i felt like i was the most useless guy on Earth. I can't even keep my own love one happy. All i do is make her cry and starting to feel that i'm the source of her sorrow. But confidence came back when she asked me to cheer her up, and i successfully did. I sang a kid's love song to her. The moment she laughed when i sang the song, i was so relieved. I was happy that i can do something right. Sorry, babe. For all the sadness i've caused. 

Fourth reason would be the most recent one, its because of, well, i don't show that i'm doing things i've promised to do. I'm not defending myself but i really got my own way to things. Then again, actions speaks louder than words. I don't blame you for making that decision again, i know i didn't convince you that i'm doing what i had promised. I'm sorry for disappointing you this time ):

You told me to give you 11 days to think about it and so i did. Didn't want to pressure you. I've waited for hours to pass and the next day you told me we should end our relationship. I was devastated, sadness overcame me once again. The pain in my chest, it feels like something is poking on it. it was Heartache.

After a good calm down, i've realize that we can't wait to do things. We might have the plans but we don't have the time. Anything can happen at any time. For instance, before i could fulfill all my promises to you, you made the decision to break up because i waited to do what i was suppose to do. I saved plans for future. Right the day after, i went and do what i was supposed to do a long time ago. Get you flowers and a teddy bear (: And thank God, on that day itself, we got back together (: 

Another thing is that i'd promised to work hard for our future. Well, i guess it's not obvious but i'm really working for it, babe (: Future with you is all i've ever wanted since we got together. Believe me (: 

At first, i planned to give you the two gifts on Valentines. I had all planned out but after this happened, i realize, no matter how perfect the plan is, if you don't have the right person to present it to, you don't have the right time to make it happen, it's just another blueprint on a piece of paper. Plans are made so we can make the action, not wait to make the action (:

I'm very glad that managed to go through all of these, four times ! (: This only proves how strong our relationship is.

Babe. i love you very much. More than anyone i've ever loved in my entire Life. You're more than just a girlfriend to me. You're family to me, bestfriend to me, sibling to me. Basically, you're my Everything. You can't not take any of my promises into consent but one thing you have to believe is that i love very much, i love you one and only, forever will come true with you, forever will happen with you.

Here's a little poem that i like very much and never once shared it with others (: You're the first.

If Only You Knew

In the darkness of the night, there is only me and you,
We are woven together in our very own cocoon.

I feel your heartbeat against my chest,
I hold you tight as we both rest.

I start to drift off to sleep,
And think of how I turned complete.

I am only complete when you are near,
To lose you someday is my biggest fear.

It takes two halves to make a whole,
My heart and yours we make one soul.

- Rahik Thamir -