Everything seems to be so perfect last time. We laugh together, we share stories, chat and all. But the time ended quickly when tuition stop last year at Nov. We less talk since then. We do go out but less too. As I cant see you frequently like those tuition days, I guess you’ve become like a stranger to me. As I say, I got no topic to talk. You might think it’s a excuse or whatever. But I’m telling the truth. I really don’t know what to talk to you. My friends say ‘Chew, its your wrong laa. She’s a good girl’ and all. I know its my fault but what can I do ? to be honest, there are big difference between us. The movie we watch, the song we listen, the things we like, the time when we’re free, stuff we do as hobby and importantly the kind of friends we have. These difference lead to different topic as we talk. If I talk about my music you would not understand. Same as if you talk about your music to me, I would not understand a thing. The time when we’re free. When I’m free you’re not. When you’re free and I’m not. The friends we have. When I bring you out with my friends you would not understand what are they talking about. Maybe some but I still see the boring face in you. When you want to bring me out with your friends, our talking topic will be totally different. Then my friends told me ‘Chew, go to her school and look for her laa. Bring her roses on Valentines day’. I wanted to do so, I mean not go to your school. But buy flowers for you in that day. But, on VALENTINES DAY, you’re busy buying books, going to friends house. Then you asked me out one day. I said can already. Everything is set. Then you told me about in evening only can. At first I cant cause of my mum. So I was kinda angry. Then , my another friend told me, ‘Chew, its not her fault laa. She can on evening. You cannot go its your fault.’ On that day, I fought with my mum to go out with you. Then I asked you what you wanna do later and you told me eat dinner. So I told my mum don’t need cook for me already. Then I’m out. Message you again what you wanna eat and you say you ate already. That one nothing already. Then at first you agree to go JJ with me someday before. Then later you told me you’re tired and all. So cancel. That’s one also never mind. When you reach, you say you wanna go buy things for your friend, I offered myself to go with you, you give me crap that later you ‘sat sao’, In the whole end, I end up fighting with my mum for nothing cause you call me out for nothing also. I don’t have dinner. I do something to chill me down and you can get angry with me some more. You know I never get freaking angry with you before rite ? but that night you really pissed me off. I know you’re tired. But you must also think for my side. Never eat dinner and walk with me but at least let me company you to some where. Then, on the 9th March when I want to call you out to watch movie with me and my friends. I asked you and you say can. Then not even an hour later, you told me ‘Chew I think I cannot go at Monday de. My mummy wanna go out with she de.’ I remember that message. Maybe its true but you agree to go with me first right ?
If you agree with your mummy first I cant say anything. Sometimes I randomly call you out. You cannot. I cant plan when I will be sad or when I’ll be happy or miserable, boring or when I need you. I cant plan all this. This stuffs happen randomly. I never tell you how I feel when you say you cant come out randomly because I’m thinking of your side. I don’t wan you to fight with your mum just because of my feelings. But, sometimes I really do need you by my side. Really. Some random rainy day. Some random when I’m sad day. Sometimes I truly really need you by my side. Sometimes, after scolding from my parents, I also need you by my side. When I need you, only my friends by my side. I mean seriously. Where were you ? I know I’m not by your side when you need me too. But when I know you’re sad, at least I instantly tried to cheer you up again. Did I ? But, you probably blame your mum rite ? Saying that she don’t let you out and all. I get it. Since that day, I’m immune to your ‘I love you’ and ‘muax’ already. As everyone read this, everything seems to be my fault. All this problems seems to be the cost of me. Just yesterday, I was sad. I wanted to ask you out again but I can expect the answer from you already. So I message you instead. Till a point which where I ask you wheter are you liking any guys right now. You said no and asked why. I just say a friend of mine told me that you might be loving someone else. Then you say finally I know you trust your friend more then me. Its not the fact. I’m just asking. If I truly trust my friend, I wont be asking you that question. You ask me again whether do I trust you but I was speechless when you straight shot me with that sentence just now. This morning you asked again. I asked can I don’t answer. You shot me with ‘I give up le. You want to go then go laa.’ And ‘I don’t want tie you already. If you wan to go you can go.’ You know I was heart broken that time ? After two shots you’ve made. That shot went through my heart. Deeply. I know I’ve make you sad and said things that make you sad. Things I make you sad its just answer your message coldly as you say. But, you told me to go. I don’t know your ‘go’ means what but I can say it will be a sad thing for me. I don’t know what I can do already. God, lead me in anyway.
