Think.

You should think before you talk and do something. You don't go start fucking up somebody because you hear only one side of the story and one more is you don't even know how the other side feels. You don't know how a person feels until you're in their shoes. I give you a situation now and you can say you're fine with it. Why ? It's because you're not experiencing it, saying is easy. Even i can say it's fine. You don't go start saying i'm being dramatic or something. You don't even know what the fuck happen ! What i say is what i think, you don't have to agree with me. It's a free country. But, it's no use confronting you because you'l just i'm craping and say " This is how i am ".

Another thing, when you brag just brag about yourself. You don't have to degrade somebody, be proud, just be proud of yourself. Keep it just about yourself, don't start comparing people with you. That makes you a fucked up piece of crap. So what you got money, i got money too just not as much as you. You smart, i'm smart too just not as smart as you. What you have is what i have, just the amount is different. Yeah, so what if you're smart, top student, top class. Smart in studies. Another thing which is important is the subject called Life. You're not smart about Life, no matter how smart you are in studies, you just fucked up. There are time for joke and time to be serious. Think and look if the situation is proper to joke around, if it's not then stop joking. It won't make your joke funny.

Girls, this will be funny. To you, you think girls like you just because they find you frequently ? Did you ever think that you might be their back-up ? and, don't call me a playboy just because i hang out with girls a lot. Don't say i'm hungry, crave for girl. I hope when you call me those, you meant yourself. You look even more desperate for girls compared to me, don't get me started.

When people give you advises about life, don't take it as a judgement. Nobody can judge you because no one is near perfect in this world. It's just advises, don't answer " I'm like that, i love talking like that ". You can't control what you say and you don't notice that what you're saying is actually almost like want to pick up a fight. Wait, actually you do always pick up fights with people. I'm surprise you still have your " perfect " face. You have to think, control when you talk. Think about people's feelings. I do tease people, but at least i know the border and i know when to tease. I don't tease their parents. Imagine people teasing about your parents ? You won't like it right ? or maybe you get used to it, that's why you're so fucked up. Listen when people advises you, to apply it in life or not is your choice. Don't fight back, get it dumb fuck ?

It's CNY !

This year's Chinese New Year is wild one ! In the 15 days of CNY, i really did almost enjoy every moment of it. Especially with my great friends, they really made my CNY a great one this year. The best thing is that i didn't have fun alone, everyone with me also had fun but i got to say, i spend most of my time with a great friend of mine. He really have been there, always when i needed a guy to talk too. If i'm gay, he would be my partner ! That just sounded wrong, but yeah, i mean it.

Yesterday night, 16th Febuary, me and a bunch of friends celebrated my Sifuu's birthday ! and it was great, laughing times and all. Then i got kinda drunk, just kinda. I haven't reach the part where i have to vomit out whatever i drank. But, i have my reason for drinking so much at once. Never mind about that. And now, i'm posting this post and i'm having a minor headache at the same time. I'm using a lot of energy doing this. One thing, Glad to know you cared.

Love after Love

Love After Love

The time will come

when, with elation,

you will greet yourself arriving

at your own door, in your own mirror,

and each will smile at the other's welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.

You will love again the stranger who was yourself.

Give wine, Give bread. Give back your Heart

to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored

for another, who knows you by your Heart.

Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,

peel your own image from the mirror.

Sit. Feast on your life.

- Derek Walcott

Awesome Day.

Today, just realize how long i didn't see you already. You look different, that's for sure. Maybe its your hair, i don't know but you look different. After two months not seeing you, seeing you today really is Great. I love every single second when i'm with you today ! i miss every single second when i'm with you today ! I just wish time would freeze when i'm with you, so "forever" exists once again. But, i guess that won't ever happen.

Anyway, i had my time today. Love today so much ! Went Pavilion today for a date with my girlfriend, Finally ! Watched Yogi Bear, its funny to me. Love it. Except for the part where kids kept kicking my seats behind, that was just annoying. After that, we went for a drink at Chatime. Diabetical drinks ! We spend hours there just chatting. I didn't mind because being with her makes my day. Even though just being with you and do nothing, i still don't mind. But again, time didn't show mercy. Time just fly pass and its 6pm already which means there goes my awesome day. Every awesome day comes with happiness and ends with sadness.

Dear Janice Ch'ng Ying Zeng,

I love you so much until i gave "i love you" a whole new meaning !

- with love,

Wayne Chew Siew Wenn

I Fail.

I fail in telling truths. I'm sorry that i lied to you, i know my reason will be silly because i told you this many times before. I have nothing to say but sorry. But, i've promise you not to give you bad memories. Lying in this case to you seems to be able to keep whatever sad thing that might happen between us. But actually, you do know what I'm not fine about, if you notice, it's always about the same same same thing. If you really notice, you'll know what i'm always not fine about. It always has been the same and only reason. But overall, i love you.

Shits.

Things had been okay these days. Working and spending time with friends really keeps my mind off stuff. Stuff that i don't want to think about. Now every day i spend 6 hours or more in Pavilion's Wong Kok Restaurant. By the time i reach home, its already 9pm and occasionally 11pm plus also. I don't like going home early is because i'll just end up on bed and start thinking all over again. Sometimes i even ask question and i answer it myself. I thank God for a friend i had. He's so far is there when ever i need somebody to talk to. Although sometimes he doesn't understand how i feel, but he's a person i can trust to tell him my problems or worries or what i'm thinking. And again, he won't ALWAYS be with me, at some time we will be distance apart, chasing our goals. No blames to anyone, its normal for some one to chase their goals in life.

So i've been told that i'm in a mess most of the time, except for when i'm with you. I don't really want to believe its true, but it is. Its hard for me to cope what is going to happen. People tell me "Things will go on just very fine, it'll be over before you know it", but that is just what they say. I find it hard. I'm not used to every shit thing that is happening now, i need you with me. Saying that i'm fine is easy, but most of the time is all lies. As long as you're not with me, i'm not fine at all. Stuff isn't going very well and its just January. I feel i'm back in Form 5 life all over again, except for the not seeing you every day. Less texting, less outing, less EVERY THING. and again, no blames on anyone on this also. I'm just complaining, i can't find the right word.

That feeling makes me miss Form 5 again. I wouldn't mind taking SPM all over again, as long as we're all together again. As in you, me and all my friends. School time are just great. Slack, study, date. Time when we friends are actually very close. Not like now, every one is missing in action. Only a few is still around. What i miss most is the overnights we had together ! at cc or at house, both also i miss. The fun and joy, i can't have it now already. Everyone went like, a sudden mature in thinking, not wanting all these childish stuff anymore. Well, people change. People as in everyone including myself.

There's a thing about me though, i love talking about what i did last time. It some how never fail to put a smile on my face. You know, when you remember those dumb things you did before, those silly things you've said, your embarrassing moments, all the mess you ever created. I laugh to myself. But memories of 17 years isn't that much, mostly is just regrets and mistakes. But one thing for sure is, even if there's regrets and mistakes, i enjoy my life so far. Even if i'm in a mess ! I hate life, i love life, i hate life, i love life. Overall, i still love life Experience i've gain in everything i ever do, knowing what to do and what not to do, learning from mistakes. There's one thing i didn't regret ever, its each and every part of my love life. Maybe there's one that i regretted.