Shits and Stuffs.

Another night alone, its not a complain but a good thing actually. Time when i can just sit by myself and think what i have to think. Studies is a problem. It's almost the end of January soon and i still haven't make up my mind what to study. This is because i don't have confidence in myself, i'm afraid i will fail my studies and waste my parents' hard earn cash. I don't even dare to imagine my SPM results ! Every time i think what to study, options do pop out in my mind. It's just that i'm not sure i can do it well a not, i don't even know what am i interested.

Importantly here is there's something you don't know about me. I didn't tell you is because i thought that i will change, but unfortunately i didn't. I have a problem with not seeing my girlfriend every day, in other words, i have problems with distance relationship. Because besides my parents, my girlfriend is my second important person. I need you always at least near me because i don't know when i'll be sad, or depressed, stress or happy. All this happens randomly, and with you at least near me, its easy for me to see you when i need you. I need you to keep me company, to keep me loved. But, i never blame my girlfriend if she's forced to move further away. Its just me and distance relationship problem. All i can wish now is nothing to go wrong and i can keep hanging on till you're done studying. This is a thing that i think you should know.

What's next is i'm sick looking at people flirting with other guy's girl. I mean, why you want to do that ? "As long as she's not married, i have a chance", that's a true statement but why destroy someone else's relationship ? Another true statement is "May the best man wins". So, if the girl choose the other instead of you, you can pretty much FUCK OFF because the girl made her choice. Don't still go send the girl stuff about love anymore. Be smart every time, taken girls are just meant to love a guy only. Don't be mean trying to destroy other people's relationship just because you don't have one. What isn't meant for you will never be yours. Accept the fact that the opposite is better than you. and Karma is true, whatever you do now, you'll get it back later. I bet you don't want people to destroy your love life right ? Don't waste time harrasing people through social networks, because i can tell you honestly, its pathetic ! You fail as a mature person.

Even if you want to harras, make sure you got the balls to do what you've said. Don't just be man on social networks, then a pussy in real life a somebody asks you out to settle problems. You might think disturbing people's love life through social networks will pissed that person off only. But other than that, people in the whole social network will think you're nothing but a lifeless piece of crap that had lost the girl you love to another better person.

and Guys, please don't go do suicides because of break ups. If the girl ever dump you, it just mean that the girl isn't right for you. Yes, its sad and all but get over it as soon as possible. Dying for some girl that dosen't like you is the dumbest thing. There are bigger fish to catch in the sea, many other girls that might be better than your previous.

My thoughts are wide, my feelings are as much as yours.

My thoughts aren't simple, try to understand.

Great times.

I am not the only one that keeps good memory in my mind or life. Had a great chat with a friend, which was once my girlfriend too but too bad things didn't work out well. Chatted about many stuff, studies and what to do in futures but the thing i was surprised was about each other's love life. We both had honest talk, how things started from the first girlfriend/boyfriend to the latest or the last. Well, good memory should be kept in mind for life, that's for sure. But i never thought that ex-s would keep good memories with them too. For this, i'm truly surprised and feel special. She seems to remember what i've done and even keep stuff that i've once done for her. Even myself just remember partially of what i've done. Letters, RM1000, alone times. All these are really great moments. Jealousy, reason of breakups, all revealed ! Kinda too bad we weren't meant for each other. Glad she was honest when talking about this. Some girls just even ignore.

But, everything happens for a reason, that's what i say.

WORKING

Been working my LEGS off for about 2 weeks now and still i can't get use to waking up early ! and working at so very far from Wangsa Maju. Just travelling and walking is tired already, then 6 hours every day. Its nothing to experienced workers but i'm NEW ! Tiring ! Now i know how hard is it to earn your own money. Well, today got pay for the first 15 days, not much but am satisfied with it. My own hard worked cash, for the first time ! Working is just tiring and i got no time for myself. Can't stay up and watch late night movies already, the best movies are during midnight ! Then time with you lessen by a lot ! including texting, the only way we communicate now. Its like i'm back to schooling life again. Text less, date less, mostly none. Ahh ! Don't want to talking about it. Every day, i see sweet couples hanging around Pavi and i felt jealous, thinking how lucky are they.

Working, i see many kinds of people. Mostly, rich people. I love Gays ! They are like the most polite people ! They say "thanks" when i serve them their food and "please" when asking for a favour. Others don't even say "thanks" ! So, be polite to your waiters. Even its just "thanks", its like a tip to them ! to me at least. Treat your waiter right unless your waiter are those asshole that has no manners. That you can just show them your middle finger as the TIP !

Why ?

I wonder, what makes girls so special and guys not ? Why should we prioritize them ? As if they are all oh so wonderful and innocent and won't do anything bad. As if they are the only one that can get hurt, and guys can't. Both girls and guys can get cheated, both girls and guys can get rob, both girls and guys can get rich, both girls and guys have heart and feelings, both girls and guys have their death time. Guys have a dick and girls have vagina ! So, what makes them so special compare to guys ? Sometimes, i see quotes or sentences saying "Behind every successful man, there's a great woman". Saying as if all guy's ever success if because they have a girl behind their back. Well, they're wrong. Guys can live without girls as great as girls can live without guys. Many bachelor live richly without girls behind their back. Another thing is, if girls can be b*tchy, why guys can't be playboys ? Girls can love two guys at once and guys can love two girls at once too. Whats next is the "treat your woman right or you wont get any woman" quote. Where's the "treat your man right or you wont get any man" quote ? Guys have as much feeling as girls have. If girls want guys to treat them right, treat guys right too. Don't go telling them "I love you" and on the other side, there flirting with over guy. Imagine is a guy do that back to the girl. What the girl feels is what exactly the guy feels too. And last, First steps/moves ! Whoever make the rules guys must make the first step first ? You want a guy to make the first step, you give them signs. Guys can't always make the first move. Why girls can't make first move ? Shy ? Guys will be shy too. Again, whatever a girl's emotion, a guy has too. Just that guys don't show it out because sometimes it isn't a must.

My point here is guys and girls are kinda like the same. Emotions and feelings, guys and girls have it too. Just be fair with each other. You don't want to be cheated, then don't go cheat. Just a little of what i think.

Perhaps.

Perhaps everything does changes in time, although i hope they don't. Perhaps, its time to start to get used to you far away from me. Perhaps, its time to start thinking seriously for once, what's best for me, me and me only. Perhaps, its time to do things that will make me happy, feel better. Perhaps, its time to be a little selfish in everything. Its time to think what to study, its time to think what to do, its time to think how to get used to new surroundings, its time to think what i like without giving a damn about other, its time to start doing what i feel.

Yes, i'm sad that you're going so far but that does not help in anything. So, best of luck in studies to you and in whatever you do ! and i'll see you when God plans when i can see you.

God bless you and me,

I love you

A brand new year.

Its a new year again, Hello 2011 Goodbye 2010. What happened in 2010 stays there, move forward towards 2011 ! Just that this time, i pretty much wish 2011 never come. I don't want a new year this time, remain 2010 ! i don't mind taking SPM over and over again as long i get to be with you. I thought everything will be fine right after SPM, that's what i thought but nothing went right.

During holidays, didn't went out much. Spend loads of money on cc cause its the only thing fun to do with my friends. Been saving my money for the wrong reason. Most of the time, i spend time with my precious Bed. Everyday, just wake up, have breakfast, if nothing is on tv then i will head upstairs where my bed is. With phone lying beside me, i just lie on the bed for the whole day. And by whole day, i really mean WHOLE DAY ! Lifeless, just lifeless. If i'm lucky, somebody will text me ! If i'm not, then its just some quality time with my Bed. Everyone has been busy with their own family plans, which i'm kinda jealous cause my parents' never want to leave the house. They rather stay at home and do nothing, and yet they say they are busy all the time. So, December is obviously a bad month and i didn't had an awesome Christmas ! What a waste -.-

So, January came not long after. Stuff gotten worse. Everyone has planned what they want to study and all and i still spending my precious time with my Bed everyday. My parents' keep asking me what i want to study and all i have in mind is NOTHING ! i can't make up my mind and actually, i don't have anything in mind. Well, the worse gotten worse day by day. I got so bored that i really had a thought of jumping off from the roof of my house. Although i know i won't die, but i regain my senses telling myself i might actually die even though it's just two stories high. Another thing is, why do Intakes for college exist for January ! i didn't spend enough time with you also. I've been thinking of this shit everyday and God damn it that the Day is getting closer. I know i can't stop the time, but i still can wish and wish that my wish comes true. I'm happy for you but at the same time, worry about what shit might happen. You can tell me "Everything will work out just fine" but that's not gonna make me stop worrying, thinking. And starting from tomorrow, we will text even lesser ! when i start my part-time. I told myself i need this job to get my mind off stuff, but i don't think it will work.

Life is just hard, i know everything happens for a reason, but i just can't accept what's gonna happen ! I don't dare to imagine what's next. SAM has an A for Australia ? Of course i'm hoping for the best for you, sincerely.

And i'll be honest, i never trusted distance relationship will ever work out .