Merry Christmas !

It has been ages since i last wrote a new post. I'm going to TRY to start blogging again :P For now,

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE <3

Merry Christmas again, with <3

Opps.

I nearly forgot that i actually have a blog. Hahaha. It has been a long time since i write about something. But, actually it's because i have nothing to say. I mean i have, but it isn't meant to say out in public, to readers. Advise, some stuff is really better if you keep it to yourself.

So, something that i can type about here. I'm WASTING MY LIFE AWAYYY ! How sad is that ? I'm still thinking what i have interest in, but till now, i still have no idea. I'm just gonna go with whatever my mum says i should go. I don't want to think so much already, giving me headache. Been doing nothing lately, absolutely nothing. Didn't reload my credit for my phone, so no texting. Nobody online that much anymore, so no chatting. I hate Facebook cause it shows me people and things i hate to see most of the times. Twitter is just so-so. Nothing special about it also. Damn i hate my life. Lifeless, just lifeless.

How i wish something or someone can just come into my life, change it completely. I want to do something different. Maybe suddenly i become a superhero and start saving lives. Or maybe i met a dog that talks. Or maybe i met someone that actually speaks my language, understand my jokes. Or maybe i suddenly become rich for a day. Or maybe suddenly Justin Beiber dies ! I don't know, something that will change my life to a better one. I got bored of waiting for the some one person everyday, i got bored with my lifestyle.

Things will change when i actually start studying again, things will change in November. I know i can't predict the future, but this i just now. I'm not predicting. I now DO believe that the WORST could happen. I used to be optimistic, USED TO. But now, no. Optimistic brings nothing but disappointment to my life. I should just stick to reality. I eat what i pay, I score what i study. The more i pay, the better the food will be. The more i study, the better i will score ! Life sucks doesn't it ?

Happy 365 Days Together !

Happy 1st Anniversary, my Love !

When i hold your hands, i feel deep trust from you,

When we hug, i feel deep care from you,

When we kiss, i feel deep love from you.

22nd of March 2011, a day late after the official date of anniversary,

I get to go out with you and i'm truly happy for that.

Sad thing is that too bad it has to end so early.

Although not watching movie today,

i enjoy talking to you,

i enjoy walking with you,

i enjoy holding your hands for the whole day,

i enjoy listening to your voice,

i enjoy seeing you smile,

i enjoy staring at you for no reason,

i enjoy thinking about you,

i enjoy eating with you,

i enjoy drinking with you,

i enjoy holding the umbrella for you,

i enjoy tickling you,

i enjoy when you wrap your arms around me,

i enjoy you being shorter than me, :P

i enjoy being with you !

i enjoy kissing you !

Importantly,

i enjoy loving you !

Happy 1st Anniversary again, my Love !

I'm wishing for many more anniversary to come,

Anniversary with you of course !

Time, time, time.

Time, time, time.

I'm starting to think that sleeping is just a waste of time,

But, i still love sleeping. In that 8 hours of sleep, I can do so many things.

Hang out with friends, watch movie, online, games. Just in that 8 hours alone.

Damn the human needs for sleep.

I love the night life, i love the moon more than the sun !

Since i was young, i love staying up late at night and do my stuff. Read or anything.

As long as it's not sleeping !

Time, time, time.

Isn't it great if i can stop you whenever i want ?

There are many moments that i wish it'll last for eternity.

If there's someone always there to capture my great happy moment in picture.

I'll pay that person for all the pictures.

With friends and all, many of friends are separating one by one.

It's impossible to remember all of them for long term.

When you don't see a person for long,

memory about them with some how poof away, deleted !

and i don't want that, i even want to remember my enemies.

To know who hated me before, to know what i did.

Oh, time.

Yada Yada Yada.

So, it's March. First thing to worry is SPM results ! Second thing to worry is what to study ? Third thing to worry is where to study ? Forth thing to worry is what is going to happen ? Results, i don't expect much and i don't aim high. All i'm asking for is 5A, any A will do, as long as it's an A ! All i'm asking for is just 5A's. What to study is really depends on my results, but, i have two things in my mind now. Mass Comm or Culinary Arts but i think higher chance i'll be taking Mass Comm or my parents' might force me to take Form 6 or A Levels which is a total waste of time to me and its a challenge to my physical, mental and soul state ! Where to study is kinda a problem, there're so many colleges in Malaysia and it's hard to choose. Which college is good at course and all, i know nothing about those. I'm so not ready for college life. What going to happen ? I don't know, nobody knows. Just go with the flow.

I remember the times we had together, it was such fond sweet memories. I would love to relive those times again. Times in school, times when we date. All of those are great, sweet, awesome ! But now, even though you say you're not far from me,

to me, you're far away from me. As long as i can't see you, means you're just far away. The wish to see you everyday, every second, till now it's still the same. I'm still wishing to see you everyday and every second. But, the wish is just to great to happen and again, there's no harm in wishing for the impossible. I still remember the time, the moment when i hold your hands for the first time, i felt the warmness of Love. The moment when we hugged, i never want to let go if possible. The moment when we kissed, i wish for the time to stop right at that moment. Make forever possible, then i'll be kissing you forever. But well, stuff like this only happens in dreams.

I love you oh very much !

the touch of your hands reminds me of Love.

IMY Ohh IMY

I miss you oh so much !

I wish i can see you everyday !

Look up and count the clouds,

that is how much i miss you everyday, every time !

that is how much i love you.

Think.

You should think before you talk and do something. You don't go start fucking up somebody because you hear only one side of the story and one more is you don't even know how the other side feels. You don't know how a person feels until you're in their shoes. I give you a situation now and you can say you're fine with it. Why ? It's because you're not experiencing it, saying is easy. Even i can say it's fine. You don't go start saying i'm being dramatic or something. You don't even know what the fuck happen ! What i say is what i think, you don't have to agree with me. It's a free country. But, it's no use confronting you because you'l just i'm craping and say " This is how i am ".

Another thing, when you brag just brag about yourself. You don't have to degrade somebody, be proud, just be proud of yourself. Keep it just about yourself, don't start comparing people with you. That makes you a fucked up piece of crap. So what you got money, i got money too just not as much as you. You smart, i'm smart too just not as smart as you. What you have is what i have, just the amount is different. Yeah, so what if you're smart, top student, top class. Smart in studies. Another thing which is important is the subject called Life. You're not smart about Life, no matter how smart you are in studies, you just fucked up. There are time for joke and time to be serious. Think and look if the situation is proper to joke around, if it's not then stop joking. It won't make your joke funny.

Girls, this will be funny. To you, you think girls like you just because they find you frequently ? Did you ever think that you might be their back-up ? and, don't call me a playboy just because i hang out with girls a lot. Don't say i'm hungry, crave for girl. I hope when you call me those, you meant yourself. You look even more desperate for girls compared to me, don't get me started.

When people give you advises about life, don't take it as a judgement. Nobody can judge you because no one is near perfect in this world. It's just advises, don't answer " I'm like that, i love talking like that ". You can't control what you say and you don't notice that what you're saying is actually almost like want to pick up a fight. Wait, actually you do always pick up fights with people. I'm surprise you still have your " perfect " face. You have to think, control when you talk. Think about people's feelings. I do tease people, but at least i know the border and i know when to tease. I don't tease their parents. Imagine people teasing about your parents ? You won't like it right ? or maybe you get used to it, that's why you're so fucked up. Listen when people advises you, to apply it in life or not is your choice. Don't fight back, get it dumb fuck ?

It's CNY !

This year's Chinese New Year is wild one ! In the 15 days of CNY, i really did almost enjoy every moment of it. Especially with my great friends, they really made my CNY a great one this year. The best thing is that i didn't have fun alone, everyone with me also had fun but i got to say, i spend most of my time with a great friend of mine. He really have been there, always when i needed a guy to talk too. If i'm gay, he would be my partner ! That just sounded wrong, but yeah, i mean it.

Yesterday night, 16th Febuary, me and a bunch of friends celebrated my Sifuu's birthday ! and it was great, laughing times and all. Then i got kinda drunk, just kinda. I haven't reach the part where i have to vomit out whatever i drank. But, i have my reason for drinking so much at once. Never mind about that. And now, i'm posting this post and i'm having a minor headache at the same time. I'm using a lot of energy doing this. One thing, Glad to know you cared.

Love after Love

Love After Love

The time will come

when, with elation,

you will greet yourself arriving

at your own door, in your own mirror,

and each will smile at the other's welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.

You will love again the stranger who was yourself.

Give wine, Give bread. Give back your Heart

to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored

for another, who knows you by your Heart.

Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,

peel your own image from the mirror.

Sit. Feast on your life.

- Derek Walcott

Awesome Day.

Today, just realize how long i didn't see you already. You look different, that's for sure. Maybe its your hair, i don't know but you look different. After two months not seeing you, seeing you today really is Great. I love every single second when i'm with you today ! i miss every single second when i'm with you today ! I just wish time would freeze when i'm with you, so "forever" exists once again. But, i guess that won't ever happen.

Anyway, i had my time today. Love today so much ! Went Pavilion today for a date with my girlfriend, Finally ! Watched Yogi Bear, its funny to me. Love it. Except for the part where kids kept kicking my seats behind, that was just annoying. After that, we went for a drink at Chatime. Diabetical drinks ! We spend hours there just chatting. I didn't mind because being with her makes my day. Even though just being with you and do nothing, i still don't mind. But again, time didn't show mercy. Time just fly pass and its 6pm already which means there goes my awesome day. Every awesome day comes with happiness and ends with sadness.

Dear Janice Ch'ng Ying Zeng,

I love you so much until i gave "i love you" a whole new meaning !

- with love,

Wayne Chew Siew Wenn

I Fail.

I fail in telling truths. I'm sorry that i lied to you, i know my reason will be silly because i told you this many times before. I have nothing to say but sorry. But, i've promise you not to give you bad memories. Lying in this case to you seems to be able to keep whatever sad thing that might happen between us. But actually, you do know what I'm not fine about, if you notice, it's always about the same same same thing. If you really notice, you'll know what i'm always not fine about. It always has been the same and only reason. But overall, i love you.

Shits.

Things had been okay these days. Working and spending time with friends really keeps my mind off stuff. Stuff that i don't want to think about. Now every day i spend 6 hours or more in Pavilion's Wong Kok Restaurant. By the time i reach home, its already 9pm and occasionally 11pm plus also. I don't like going home early is because i'll just end up on bed and start thinking all over again. Sometimes i even ask question and i answer it myself. I thank God for a friend i had. He's so far is there when ever i need somebody to talk to. Although sometimes he doesn't understand how i feel, but he's a person i can trust to tell him my problems or worries or what i'm thinking. And again, he won't ALWAYS be with me, at some time we will be distance apart, chasing our goals. No blames to anyone, its normal for some one to chase their goals in life.

So i've been told that i'm in a mess most of the time, except for when i'm with you. I don't really want to believe its true, but it is. Its hard for me to cope what is going to happen. People tell me "Things will go on just very fine, it'll be over before you know it", but that is just what they say. I find it hard. I'm not used to every shit thing that is happening now, i need you with me. Saying that i'm fine is easy, but most of the time is all lies. As long as you're not with me, i'm not fine at all. Stuff isn't going very well and its just January. I feel i'm back in Form 5 life all over again, except for the not seeing you every day. Less texting, less outing, less EVERY THING. and again, no blames on anyone on this also. I'm just complaining, i can't find the right word.

That feeling makes me miss Form 5 again. I wouldn't mind taking SPM all over again, as long as we're all together again. As in you, me and all my friends. School time are just great. Slack, study, date. Time when we friends are actually very close. Not like now, every one is missing in action. Only a few is still around. What i miss most is the overnights we had together ! at cc or at house, both also i miss. The fun and joy, i can't have it now already. Everyone went like, a sudden mature in thinking, not wanting all these childish stuff anymore. Well, people change. People as in everyone including myself.

There's a thing about me though, i love talking about what i did last time. It some how never fail to put a smile on my face. You know, when you remember those dumb things you did before, those silly things you've said, your embarrassing moments, all the mess you ever created. I laugh to myself. But memories of 17 years isn't that much, mostly is just regrets and mistakes. But one thing for sure is, even if there's regrets and mistakes, i enjoy my life so far. Even if i'm in a mess ! I hate life, i love life, i hate life, i love life. Overall, i still love life Experience i've gain in everything i ever do, knowing what to do and what not to do, learning from mistakes. There's one thing i didn't regret ever, its each and every part of my love life. Maybe there's one that i regretted.

Shits and Stuffs.

Another night alone, its not a complain but a good thing actually. Time when i can just sit by myself and think what i have to think. Studies is a problem. It's almost the end of January soon and i still haven't make up my mind what to study. This is because i don't have confidence in myself, i'm afraid i will fail my studies and waste my parents' hard earn cash. I don't even dare to imagine my SPM results ! Every time i think what to study, options do pop out in my mind. It's just that i'm not sure i can do it well a not, i don't even know what am i interested.

Importantly here is there's something you don't know about me. I didn't tell you is because i thought that i will change, but unfortunately i didn't. I have a problem with not seeing my girlfriend every day, in other words, i have problems with distance relationship. Because besides my parents, my girlfriend is my second important person. I need you always at least near me because i don't know when i'll be sad, or depressed, stress or happy. All this happens randomly, and with you at least near me, its easy for me to see you when i need you. I need you to keep me company, to keep me loved. But, i never blame my girlfriend if she's forced to move further away. Its just me and distance relationship problem. All i can wish now is nothing to go wrong and i can keep hanging on till you're done studying. This is a thing that i think you should know.

What's next is i'm sick looking at people flirting with other guy's girl. I mean, why you want to do that ? "As long as she's not married, i have a chance", that's a true statement but why destroy someone else's relationship ? Another true statement is "May the best man wins". So, if the girl choose the other instead of you, you can pretty much FUCK OFF because the girl made her choice. Don't still go send the girl stuff about love anymore. Be smart every time, taken girls are just meant to love a guy only. Don't be mean trying to destroy other people's relationship just because you don't have one. What isn't meant for you will never be yours. Accept the fact that the opposite is better than you. and Karma is true, whatever you do now, you'll get it back later. I bet you don't want people to destroy your love life right ? Don't waste time harrasing people through social networks, because i can tell you honestly, its pathetic ! You fail as a mature person.

Even if you want to harras, make sure you got the balls to do what you've said. Don't just be man on social networks, then a pussy in real life a somebody asks you out to settle problems. You might think disturbing people's love life through social networks will pissed that person off only. But other than that, people in the whole social network will think you're nothing but a lifeless piece of crap that had lost the girl you love to another better person.

and Guys, please don't go do suicides because of break ups. If the girl ever dump you, it just mean that the girl isn't right for you. Yes, its sad and all but get over it as soon as possible. Dying for some girl that dosen't like you is the dumbest thing. There are bigger fish to catch in the sea, many other girls that might be better than your previous.

My thoughts are wide, my feelings are as much as yours.

My thoughts aren't simple, try to understand.

Great times.

I am not the only one that keeps good memory in my mind or life. Had a great chat with a friend, which was once my girlfriend too but too bad things didn't work out well. Chatted about many stuff, studies and what to do in futures but the thing i was surprised was about each other's love life. We both had honest talk, how things started from the first girlfriend/boyfriend to the latest or the last. Well, good memory should be kept in mind for life, that's for sure. But i never thought that ex-s would keep good memories with them too. For this, i'm truly surprised and feel special. She seems to remember what i've done and even keep stuff that i've once done for her. Even myself just remember partially of what i've done. Letters, RM1000, alone times. All these are really great moments. Jealousy, reason of breakups, all revealed ! Kinda too bad we weren't meant for each other. Glad she was honest when talking about this. Some girls just even ignore.

But, everything happens for a reason, that's what i say.

WORKING

Been working my LEGS off for about 2 weeks now and still i can't get use to waking up early ! and working at so very far from Wangsa Maju. Just travelling and walking is tired already, then 6 hours every day. Its nothing to experienced workers but i'm NEW ! Tiring ! Now i know how hard is it to earn your own money. Well, today got pay for the first 15 days, not much but am satisfied with it. My own hard worked cash, for the first time ! Working is just tiring and i got no time for myself. Can't stay up and watch late night movies already, the best movies are during midnight ! Then time with you lessen by a lot ! including texting, the only way we communicate now. Its like i'm back to schooling life again. Text less, date less, mostly none. Ahh ! Don't want to talking about it. Every day, i see sweet couples hanging around Pavi and i felt jealous, thinking how lucky are they.

Working, i see many kinds of people. Mostly, rich people. I love Gays ! They are like the most polite people ! They say "thanks" when i serve them their food and "please" when asking for a favour. Others don't even say "thanks" ! So, be polite to your waiters. Even its just "thanks", its like a tip to them ! to me at least. Treat your waiter right unless your waiter are those asshole that has no manners. That you can just show them your middle finger as the TIP !

Why ?

I wonder, what makes girls so special and guys not ? Why should we prioritize them ? As if they are all oh so wonderful and innocent and won't do anything bad. As if they are the only one that can get hurt, and guys can't. Both girls and guys can get cheated, both girls and guys can get rob, both girls and guys can get rich, both girls and guys have heart and feelings, both girls and guys have their death time. Guys have a dick and girls have vagina ! So, what makes them so special compare to guys ? Sometimes, i see quotes or sentences saying "Behind every successful man, there's a great woman". Saying as if all guy's ever success if because they have a girl behind their back. Well, they're wrong. Guys can live without girls as great as girls can live without guys. Many bachelor live richly without girls behind their back. Another thing is, if girls can be b*tchy, why guys can't be playboys ? Girls can love two guys at once and guys can love two girls at once too. Whats next is the "treat your woman right or you wont get any woman" quote. Where's the "treat your man right or you wont get any man" quote ? Guys have as much feeling as girls have. If girls want guys to treat them right, treat guys right too. Don't go telling them "I love you" and on the other side, there flirting with over guy. Imagine is a guy do that back to the girl. What the girl feels is what exactly the guy feels too. And last, First steps/moves ! Whoever make the rules guys must make the first step first ? You want a guy to make the first step, you give them signs. Guys can't always make the first move. Why girls can't make first move ? Shy ? Guys will be shy too. Again, whatever a girl's emotion, a guy has too. Just that guys don't show it out because sometimes it isn't a must.

My point here is guys and girls are kinda like the same. Emotions and feelings, guys and girls have it too. Just be fair with each other. You don't want to be cheated, then don't go cheat. Just a little of what i think.

Perhaps.

Perhaps everything does changes in time, although i hope they don't. Perhaps, its time to start to get used to you far away from me. Perhaps, its time to start thinking seriously for once, what's best for me, me and me only. Perhaps, its time to do things that will make me happy, feel better. Perhaps, its time to be a little selfish in everything. Its time to think what to study, its time to think what to do, its time to think how to get used to new surroundings, its time to think what i like without giving a damn about other, its time to start doing what i feel.

Yes, i'm sad that you're going so far but that does not help in anything. So, best of luck in studies to you and in whatever you do ! and i'll see you when God plans when i can see you.

God bless you and me,

I love you

A brand new year.

Its a new year again, Hello 2011 Goodbye 2010. What happened in 2010 stays there, move forward towards 2011 ! Just that this time, i pretty much wish 2011 never come. I don't want a new year this time, remain 2010 ! i don't mind taking SPM over and over again as long i get to be with you. I thought everything will be fine right after SPM, that's what i thought but nothing went right.

During holidays, didn't went out much. Spend loads of money on cc cause its the only thing fun to do with my friends. Been saving my money for the wrong reason. Most of the time, i spend time with my precious Bed. Everyday, just wake up, have breakfast, if nothing is on tv then i will head upstairs where my bed is. With phone lying beside me, i just lie on the bed for the whole day. And by whole day, i really mean WHOLE DAY ! Lifeless, just lifeless. If i'm lucky, somebody will text me ! If i'm not, then its just some quality time with my Bed. Everyone has been busy with their own family plans, which i'm kinda jealous cause my parents' never want to leave the house. They rather stay at home and do nothing, and yet they say they are busy all the time. So, December is obviously a bad month and i didn't had an awesome Christmas ! What a waste -.-

So, January came not long after. Stuff gotten worse. Everyone has planned what they want to study and all and i still spending my precious time with my Bed everyday. My parents' keep asking me what i want to study and all i have in mind is NOTHING ! i can't make up my mind and actually, i don't have anything in mind. Well, the worse gotten worse day by day. I got so bored that i really had a thought of jumping off from the roof of my house. Although i know i won't die, but i regain my senses telling myself i might actually die even though it's just two stories high. Another thing is, why do Intakes for college exist for January ! i didn't spend enough time with you also. I've been thinking of this shit everyday and God damn it that the Day is getting closer. I know i can't stop the time, but i still can wish and wish that my wish comes true. I'm happy for you but at the same time, worry about what shit might happen. You can tell me "Everything will work out just fine" but that's not gonna make me stop worrying, thinking. And starting from tomorrow, we will text even lesser ! when i start my part-time. I told myself i need this job to get my mind off stuff, but i don't think it will work.

Life is just hard, i know everything happens for a reason, but i just can't accept what's gonna happen ! I don't dare to imagine what's next. SAM has an A for Australia ? Of course i'm hoping for the best for you, sincerely.

And i'll be honest, i never trusted distance relationship will ever work out .